A Brother's Reaction

When my family was over for Christmas they all wanted to ask questions about the adoption and clarify things they had not asked before. This was nice as I have not had a lot of involvement shown by all members of my family.

At one point, I was telling of a dream I had had on Christmas morning. It was kind of interesting cause I don't usually remember dreams, but this one I remembered vividly. In the dream I got a call from our agency asking, 'Am I right in thinking that the reason you don't take three children is because of logistics, like the seating in your van?' (Strange question since we are already over the number of seats with just two children!)

I responded (probably with a little hesitation and thinking), "Pretty much, but I will have to ask my husband."

To which the caseworker replied, "Oh, this is getting exciting!" I was getting the message that she was just the mediator and there was some information that was coming to her from Ethiopia and our reply (whether it be a yeah or nay) could alter the course of our history. It was something she said that I can't remember how to say.

So I go to Ray to ask him what his thoughts are.

Now at this moment, as I am telling my story I had everyone's attention, cause they all wanted to know what Ray would say!! *laugh* Ray is the most calm person and a way I have always used to describe him is the following analogy I shared with them all, "Ray's reaction was funny cause he is usually the most unshakeable person. I could tell him I was pregnant with sextuplets and he would just say, "Well, we better buy a bigger stroller.""

To this comment you can imagine the laughter and the comments from the guys as to what Ray might have said/done instead. *grin*

They bust a gut when they found out Ray's reaction.

"As I told him what the caseworker had said, Ray kind seemed to physically look like he was wobbling. He went all queasy looking and turned a sort of creamy/light green colour. *grin*"

And that was the end of my dream.

So at this point my brother said, "Well, then I guess you know the answer then." (Meaning -Ray was clearly a No.)

To which I then explained. "I am very happy with having two. Actually three is more than I am hoping for. I feel complete with two... But then, when recently two families received referrals of 3 kids - one got a 2,3,4 year old and the other got 2 - 4 year olds and a 1 year old baby, I thought to myself: "Oh!!!! How wonderful!!! I wish that were me!!!!" And I now think that if the girls had a brother it would be awesome - a real connection for our boys! All I know is I just love raising my kids and having lots of little ones is great! "(the last sentence is paraphrased as I don't remember exactly what I said.)

And my brother - you have to know him, to understand why his response meant so much to me. He has always wanted the simple/organized/perfectionist life. He wanted one child - he got one child. A little quiet girl. He has the life he wanted. When he comes to our house he is a little overwhelmed (to be polite) by six noisy boys! *grin* But his heart is good!

Anyway, when I said the last statement, he (who was sitting right beside me) reached over and immediately gave me a side hug (not a big hugger!) and this smiling look that I can only describe as pride and love and said, "You're doing good!"

Coming from this one child father, who expects this super calm life - to be proud that his sister is thrilled to add more and more kids to her household, was so rewarding. It was not like he was proud that I was having more biological kids - I read it as a guy who was so proud of his sister for being able to keep adding kids to her home and consider it all a joy and not be overwhelmed, and I also think because we are talking about Africa here.

I don't care how old you are, you still want the approval and even better, the support and belief of the ones you love!

Postscript: My brother asked what I would do then - if I was called about a third (given the dream reaction of Ray). I replied that all big decisions Ray and I make together. So we would decide when we were in that situation. But I know Ray - if we got a call on a third - brother or sister we would be thrilled and embrace it.