The Seminar

The seminar was great. There were about fifteen couples and a couple singles there. It was interesting to see the range. There were two single ladies wishing to learn about adoption and then the range of people wanting to adopt varied. There were some with no children, others with a number of children. Having boys was a common denominator with three couples, looking to adopt a little girl. There was one other family who were 'old foggies' like us. They had ten kids and were investigating adding more to their family. They were also homeschoolers, like us.

When the seminar began the administrator introduced us to the agency. He acknowledged there were people there who were investigating the idea of adoption, others who were looking at the choices of intercountry versus adoption, others who were pretty certain they wanted to adopt, and then the ones who "knew exactly what you want to do, what country you want to adopt from, and how many children you want - so let's just get on with it!"

I had to laugh cause that was Ray and I!! There was another couple in the same boat.

The seminar was great. It addressed many issues. We discussed open versus closed adoption and why open is so much more healing (in the most part). We learned about the homestudy process and what is involved in this. This was a cool part. As our social worker (for the agency) arrived to talk to us I knew that I knew her from when I lived in the area. She was a homeschooler like ourselves. As she walked in I turned around and she made eye contact and said, she knew it was me from my email (I had not sent a photo, but I had made reference to who I was and we had known each other lightly 9 or 10 years ago!). It was a blessing to see a familar face! When she adopted her daughter, it never crossed my mind that I would cross paths in this direction, with her!

We had a really great lesson on grief and loss from a family counsellor. Every child will deal with grief and loss. For one instance alone, think about the fact that they are in an orphanage and new kids arrive and they become friends with those children, and then one day one of the kids is gone, and soon another one replaces that one. And then another day, another one is gone, and then another one replaces that one.

There will be areas like when one of my children is invited to a friend's house and this one isn't, that the thoughts can occur like, "Why wasn't I picked?" Because they have seen others 'picked' ahead of them in the orphanage.

We learned about giving the child a chance to "live, move, and have their being". This gives the child a chance to *feel* the fear or other feelings, which in turn will hopefully stop it from going onto tension, anger, uncertainty, and doubt.

The children want 'safety' from us, not 'love'. The love will come, but they need to feel safe. They need to know they will not be abandoned or rejected. It was really helpful to learn all these things.

We watched some videos and then discussed the legal issues and costs of adopting. What was neat was I didn't go into this blind. I have spent the last month reading and researching and have also got many of the papers about costs and protocol that was handed out yesterday. For many people I am sure yesterday was just the first day of learning about adoption. I am glad I had a chance to learn so much before I went to the seminar. It only enhanced the learning.

When we go back in August for three days we will be learning so much more, and will meet birth and adoptive families and hear their stories. After that seminar we will also have a social worker assigned. Apparently we will have six interviews with him/her - in their office and one at our house. The kids will have their chance to talk, and Ray and I will also be interview separately.

On to the next step!! More paperchasing. *smile*