FOUR down... How Many More?

Any way you look at it we've been waiting FOUR months to see our children's faces.

It has been four months since our file went to Ethiopia. (Plus the previous 5 months getting our homestudy done. Total 9 months down.) Did I really believe we would be waiting four months to see a picture of the children God has chosen for us? Never!! I really believed that with our wide age range we would see a referral within weeks!!


Have I been at peace with the wait? Absolutely. There was a time in the beginning when I wasn't and that was only because I was so sure the referral was coming in any day. Now, that time has gone by I have been resourcefully filling my time with all the many things I have to do!

My son was saying today that once we get our referral the time is going to drag until we can get the girls. I said - no way! Once we get the referral we won't do much - we will wait for a successful court day and then we will go to town!!

At that point, I will be moving furniture and putting all the boys in the dorm room and begin decorating the girls' room. I have no idea what my inspiration will be for that room. I know I want to have an area for dress up - something wonderful for little girls. My boys love to dress up, but they aren't into the boas and high heels and necklaces and hats. I can't wait to see that!

I will no which direction I am going in with their room when I find the perfect 'thing'. That is all it takes when I do a room - a piece of border, an ornament, a print for the wall - and then I am off!

Every day we pray for our girls. We pray that they are protected and loved and that God is preparing them for this journey to come across the world to a new family. We pray that God is helping their family through the decision to give them up - if there is any family.

Many people don't understand why a family would give up their children. In Africa, there are so many children that are orphaned by AIDS. The generation that is dying is the middle age bracket. This leaves many, many babies and children and old people.

It is normal and the custom for family to take in family, but there is only so much a family can do. When you think that not all grandparents can take in all their grandchildren and raise them - where are these children to go? In our culture there are many grandparents raising 1 or 2 grandchildren because their parents 'aren't doing or can't do their jobs' - not because their parents died of AIDS.

Can you imagine being in Africa and having one, two, or three or more of your children die of AIDS and now you are responsible for their children? How do you feed them? How do you clothe and school them? School is not free in Africa - you need money for uniforms and tuition.

I read a typical story of Africa's orphans by Deborah Ellis called The Heaven Shop.









It is about a little girl in Malawi. Her mother is dead and her father is ill. He has 'The Slim'. No one wants to call it AIDS. They have a family business - a coffin shop. It is very busy...

Eventually, he dies. The children have relatives come in and like anywhere the relatives aren't necessarily the best relatives and the children are split up, after the relatives take what they can from the family possessions. The girl goes to live with her grandmother and this woman is raising a neighbourhood full of children - not all hers!

This book was written because this is typical of Africa. This author writes all of her books through the eyes of children, so we can *feel* what they live and feel.

Do you not think that woman would want the best for her granddaughter? What is the best? I can't answer that as I have not ever been in a position of having to choose to keep my child and feed him a handful of rice every day or so, or send him to a far off country for a 'better life'. Who are we to decide? My heart aches for the parents / grandparents/ aunties and uncles - who have to make this heartwrenching decision!

When Ray and I entered this adoption we were not 'into' Open Adoptions. About eleven years ago we were approached with a beautiful 2 year old girl that needed to be adopted. What a opportunity!! This was right after we prayed that if God wanted us to adopt he would have to 'drop a child in our laps'. Did we ever feel this was a child meant for us. It didn't turn out that way. The grandparents wanted an Open Adoption. That was early in our parenting days and the thought of sharing our child with strangers was so foreign to us. As it turned out that didn't really even factor into the equation as they chose to work with a family that lived very near to them and we were about 8 hours away.


But when we went to our adoption seminar we watched videos on Open Adoption and saw children and parents who were connected through Open Adoption. We spent the day in tears. It was the most moving and beautiful experience for me! We left that seminar praying that God would bless us with an Open Adoption.

We might bring our children home and all they have is each other and that is a headstart on children adopted with no siblings to come with them. But how much better would it be to know that our children have *family* in Ethiopia that they can write to, visit, even possibly phone. A connection to their blood that will never go away! These children would be blessed to able to know their roots and their heritage!

I know of one mum who had the incredible opportunity this year to go and spend three weeks with her daughters birth family! Can you imagine?! This little girl has the chance to talk to her family and know them and be happy and whole - because she knows *who* she is. Not an adopted child but a child who is Ethiopian and knows where she came from *before* she was adopted.

At our seminar we met a very eloquent young lady of about 25. Her story just ripped my heart out. She was found on the back doorstep of a Children's Home in our province, when she was newborn. She tells stories of being propped up on the couch with a bottle with 'calming' medication in it. When she was adopted to a kind family the Children's Home told her parents what they gave her to stop her crying. She was drugged to quieten her.

She asked us "Why do you think I cried so much? I cried for my parents." This young woman was still so evidently *raw* with the pain that has still not healed.

She is still searching for any information on *who she is*. She is now an Advocate for adopted children and travels the world and speaks internationally and has articles in magazines.

I had no idea how devastating this lack of information could be to a child, who then is supposed to grow into a thriving, productive, fulfilled adult! This is why we want our children to know who they are and where they came from and if at all possible, to know their family as they grow up.

Having passed the four month mark, we could feel that we are 'half way there', since we were told 3-8 months for a referral. Actually, we were told 2-6 months for a referral, and then the timelines got longer. We can only pray that they do not extend the timelines again!

But that said, whose timelines are we on anyway? Many people rest on the timelines that they are given by the Agency, but they don't really mean anything! Think about it - we are on God's timeline!! The Agency might tell us 3-8 months, but really, we could have had a referral in 2 weeks and we could be waiting 2 years! It doesn't seem likely, but it could happen!

I actually find it harder waiting as a Christian, than a non-believer. If I was not a believer, then I would rest assured in the dates that we were given - meaning we are at a maximum of four months from getting a referral. But then, if that was how I lived I would get stressed out when my 'timeline' was not adhered to. Really, the 'timeline' is just an illusion, as I have often seen families wait longer than the 'standard' timeline.

So waiting for God's timeline really means: NO TIMELINE!! *laugh* In GOD'S time - not mine - His will be done. He knows where our children are and when they need to come home. In some ways it feels harder believing that way - cause now there is no 'deadline'.

All I know is that when we get THAT CALL we will be so happy and so excited; you won't be able to contain me!! And I KNOW my hubby is the same. I asked him the other day if he ever thought about the adoption. His answer 'Oh yah'. So then I asked him, "More than once a week?"

His look and response showed me that this is something that is very near and dear to his heart. He thinks about the girls more than I ever thought he would! I can honestly say that he seems to have more invested in this adoption that he did when I was pregnant - any of the six times. He was just not a emotional, ooey gooey daddy-to-be. *grin*

But this time it is different. He is a great dad to our boys - but he is about to have his Heart's Desire - Daughters.

Our boys can understand that as they really want a sister. I know that somewhere out there there are little children who want a family, and I hope in their hearts that they know how much they are wanted over here!

Yesterday, when our 11 year old was talking about the girls he referred to them as 'my girls'. *smile*