"Do not be afraid, for I am with you. I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west." Isaiah 43:5



Sunday, August 31, 2008

Shopping - August 29

This morning we were up a bit later – tired from all these days of running around. It is exhausting how much we have packed into our time here! But it has been well worth it. The boys have their own room on a floor below us. And the girls are with us. We got up and headed down to breakfast. I had ordered pancakes for all of us. They arrived looking like crepes. They were delicious!! The girls did not like them and so we asked for their bread and jam to come earlier. They had that with tea (shy) and were very happy. I suspect we shall continue that at home. Herbal, of course, but I will be buying lots of Ethiopian tea also!



As soon as we were done breakfast we headed outside and found a taxi driver that works for the Weygoss.

Friendly Africa!


We told him we wanted to go shopping and so he took us to the main post office. Right outside of it there is a strip of little market shops. We spent about three hours walking through these shops. Who knows how much too much we spent, but our driver helped us. I bought presents for the boys back home and a beautiful coffee pot, coffee cups, coffee table, and stool, plus a painting of a little Oromo boy carrying a lamb. I also bought the girls Oromo bronze traditional bracelets. Later, we will go and buy silver for them, plus CDs of the music here. I should mention that our driver was very helpful and helped us to get better prices. He also carrying our parcels and helped look after the girls.


Our Friendly Driver Helping Me Buy


Negotiating For Me



Negotiating All My Drums!


There was a point when one child had to use the bathroom. I was pointed up behind the market stores and I wandered up there. One lady questioned me and I said, “Shint”. She pointed to the ground. So guess what we did – right there in the middle of the cobblestones, between parked cars and corregated tin shacks. When in Rome (again!)


Early in the afternoon, it began to pour with rain and we headed into a coffee shop. The boys ordered frappucinos (which I was certain they would not carry). The drinks arrived and they were cappuccinos. It was funny because at breakfast the boys had ordered milk and had received steamed milk. When in Rome…. LOL!! They decided that they did like the cappuccinos – after Dane added about four teaspoons of sugar!! LOL!



We continued our shopping with the boys buying some spear heads. They had tried to get knives but I said: no way. I was not taking a chance on a child getting a cut from an old knife that has been who knows where! The spear heads will stay on the wall or be put away til they leave home. Too risky, not knowing what they have been used for! They were collected from villages before being sold.


When we were done our shopping we headed to Cloud 9 for lunch. I am determined to eat out three times a day, plus have snacks twice a day. I have two weeks of eating to do in a three days!! *grin* The boys loved the stores in the mall of Cloud 9 and want to go back. Colt’s more interested in buying sunglasses, tshirts, jeans, runners, belts – anything clothing. As usual the girls ordered spaghetti with meat sauce – that is all they ever order!!


There was a fair bit of food leftover when we were done eating, so we had them package it up, along with the 7 bread rolls. As we left the building we were aware of a group of about 5 children about 40' feet from us. One boy of about 13 was wearing a little one of about two years in a sling on his back. There was a boy with him missing an arm, and two girls. They came towards us and put out their hands.


I opened the package and handed them all the leftovers – about 4 different trays of food. As I handed it to them I said, “Share,” as I looked the one boy in the eye. He said he would and then they dashed off. A few minutes later, just before we were getting in the car Ray spotted them sitting in a group eating their lunch. I wanted to see if they would mind if I took a picture of them, so I went over. I later learned that one of the door men from the Cloud 9 mall followed me to be sure I was safe.


I approached the children, showed them the camera, and asked if I could take a picture. They beamed and said, Yes. (There is one child that chose to hide rather than have her picture taken. The rest smiled.)



After I took the picture I asked the children if they were related. The one boy carrying the small girl, were brother and sister. The rest were just friends. I handed the one boy with the baby a ten birr note, and then gave 10 birr to another of the children and told them, Give this to your mother. (They may be homeless and without mothers, but just in case they aren’t, I was hoping it would get home.)


As we were talking, suddenly the van that was parked directly to the left of the children (they were pretty much leaning up against it), began to back up. The baby was directly behind one of the back wheels. It was the most freaky moment. The children screamed – I yelled and began banging on the back of the car – and the car stopped. My heart was pounding!! After it was all settled I left and went back to the car. A few minutes later, after they had finished eating, I saw the children walking away. The little one was still crying. What a frightening moment!


There was another incident later. As usual we were being surrounded by children and so we were not giving anything out as it was turning into a mob situation. We were in the car and trying to drive away. There was one little boy that I remember at the window. He was persistent. We finally pulled away from the crowd and headed fast down the road. About ½ - 1 km later we pulled to a stop, and lo and behold, there beside us, standing at our window was the little boy from before. He had been running behind us the whole time and we were not aware.

We could NOT say no. My throat was full of tears, as I said, Give him ten birr. He deserves it. Look how hard he worked for it!


We opened the window and handed him ten birr and told him to take it to his mother. You should have seen the beam of delight! He said, Thank you. And then as we drove away he stood waving, waving, waving, and smiling so big, and we kept waving at him. Then suddenly, he took off at a run, across the street, and down the road. That was the most wonderful moment!


On our way home to our room we saw a lady with two children on the side of the road. When we parked the car I dashed out of the parking lot and went down to her. I didn’t want people knowing what I was doing, so I acted nonchalant. I walked up to her, crouched down and quietly gave her ten birr. She thanked me and then we began talking. I asked her her children’s names: Elias and Abraham, and her name was Hannah. I said, “Abraham – Father of many nations.” She said, “Yes, the Bible.” After talking for a moment, I left and headed back to our room.


We put the girls to bed for a nap, and then Colt, Dane, and I headed out for the internet café.


Later, that night we headed to the Traditional Dinner. That will be in another post.

FAYA - Day Three

This was to be our last day at FAYA. We had much to do. Because I am too tired to write at night, I have been writing early in the morning, before the girls wake up. When our girls woke up this morning they put on their shoes and went into the main house (the orphanage) and had tea and bread for breakfast with the other children.


The children are precious. Kalkidan has a smile a mile wide. When she found out that the bikes were for her she was so happy!! When I was opening the suitcases and putting the supplies where they went I gave her the hair products to put away. She took the little clips and said, “For me?” And I said yes. She almost bowled me over throwing herself at me and hugging me, and then gave me the biggest kiss. This little girl has come from nothing, had nothing, and expected nothing. So when someone came and told her that the hair pretties were for her – how special did that make her feel!!!


PICTURE OF KALKIDAN REMOVED FOR ADOPTION REASONS


The little twins are very sweet, and then there are the new children. The little boy, is so sad. Meg says she sees a change in him already, though.



PICTURE OF TWINS REMOVED FOR ADOPTION REASONS


PICTURE OF KALKIDAN AND NEW BOY REMOVED FOR ADOPTION REASONS


The baby has a head of hair and everyone is in love with him. And then there is a new little girl,who is the brother of the baby. All three of them are clearly still adjusting. They have only been there 24 hours.. The difference between them and the older three children is amazing. A little love, food, and care and they change so quickly.


NEW BABY AND NEW GIRL REMOVED FOR ADOPTION REASONS




Ray Tucking in a New Little Family Member of the O.


Meg and I got to work as soon as we woke up. Showers, deodorant, clothing, makeup, hair brushing? Ha. We had work to do. We basically crawled out of bed, threw on our shoes, had some tea and bread, and started moving furniture and unpacking.


Unpacking School Supplies


Some of the Baby Milk and Medicine Cabinet


Unloading Tons of Cough and Cold, Tynenol,

Anti-Fungal, Antibiotic Ointments, Bandaids,

Lidosporin (ear infections), Multi-Vitamins, etc.


Medicine Cabinet - Nicely Stocked Now


The New Bunk Beds and a Dresser


Rearranging Furniture.... Again


New Beds


The New Bedroom



Putting Up the New Kid's Bedroom


New Bedroom Behind the Couch


New Baby in a New Cradle


This side is the diningroom and leads to the front yard. The couch is the divider to the new bedroom. Eventually, there will be a curtain closing it off. (I think that was the plan) The toy shelf full of the donated toys - educational toys from one store owner in our town!


It used to be the room off of the livingroom. It now holds a set of bunkbeds, a crib, and a dresser. Room for 6 more children.


The Old Bunkbed Has Been Delegated to the Caregivers Rooms



New Kitchen Shelving


There was a boy of about 8 years, going through the garbage at the end of the road. He was picking through it for five or ten minutes, so Ray went walking towards him and he gave him 10 birr ($1). He said, Give this to your mother. The little boy beamed and then Ray turned and walked away. When Ray turned around the boy was racing as fast as he could home to his mother. Most times when a person is given money, it will be 1 birr, so this made his day.


There is no phone book in the area we were staying at and Ray would ask Meg for a phone number. Once he asked for the Yellow Pages. HAHA. So one day before we left he presented her with her notebook. The front cover was shut and it was bright yellow. He wrote: THE YELLOW PAGE – and on it were listed all the phone numbers that we had used at her house.


YELLOW PAGE PIC


While I was moving furniture and unpacking, Colt and young S were building bunkbeds. It was not an easy task, as it turned out that two sets of bunkbeds would not fit in one of the bed rooms. So then they had to take apart the old metal ones and take them out to the back house for the caregivers to use. The children will get the new beds. By the time they were done we had two bunkbeds and a crib in one room, a bunkbed and dresser in a second room, and a crib, bassinet, and bunkbed in the third room. They could feasibly put two children in each bed, making 16 beds with the four bunkbeds, plus another 5 babies. So I think they are good for a while. After that, I think their house might be too small.



Ray took off for town with older S and bought paving stones, a large mirror, and brought back the couch, and paid for the table and chairs that we were ordering. When he came back he set to work putting the paving stones down. It was beautiful when it was done. I wish I had a picture before the rocks were removed and the sand and stones laid!! The ground was up and down, and every inch was full of pointy, sharp, round big and small rocks and small boulders.


He also brought back 200 kg of Teff. It was funny to watch these trying to carry these great heavy bags!!



During all of this work there was a moment when I heard a child crying and then I heard a lot of commotion and noise out in the yard. I thought something was wrong. Well, I was wrong. I went outside and you should have seen the excitement. One of the caregivers who was sitting under the tree had looked up and discovered there were mangos growing in the tree!!



Excited Caregive Finding Mangoes


I said, God is good. He has now provided fresh fruit for the children!


We finished all that we could do and then packed up. It was time to say goodbye. Meg has her little family of 6 children and all of her helpers. S is a wonderful man and Meg and he will do very well with this little orphanage.


THANK YOU to all of you who donated money to be able to furnish the orphanage!! We could not have done it without you!!


ADD ORPHANAGE GROUP PIC with US here


The Boys and Their New Friend


Once we were on the road we decided to stop by a restaurant in town and say goodbye to Salam, the orphanage director, where our girls spent six months. She had a clear love of the children and she had asked us to stop by before we took them to Canada.


We stopped for a quick goodbye – hugs for the girls.


Salam - Our Girls 'Mum' For Six Months



While waiting for Salam to arrive to say goodbye to the girls, the boys decided they needed gum. What fun. Soon they had 'vendors' of all kinds clustering around our van!! When will they learn?


Driving in Ethiopia has certainly been different to Canada! There are no seatbelts and the drivers are all over the road, but really I feel safer here than I do in Canada! The girls are going to have to adjust to being tied down in carseats, once we get home!!


The drive from Adama to Addis is long. It is supposed to be an hour, but I think it is more like 2.5 hours. It is well worth the drive through. You see so much amazing scenery and things you would not see in the city: thatched huts (like our girls lived in at one time), children driving their cows home from grazing at the end of the day, rivers, and the landscape.





I love how familiar our children are with people and how loving the Africans are with their children. Gadisae would stand behind the driver and play with his dreads, and rub her hands on his cheeks. Once she stood there putting a sticker on his face. People are so loving towards children here. Though children are very respectful and listen to their elders, they are also loved deeply. An interesting and beautiful combination.


Once we got to Addis we headed to the Weygoss. It is a nice hotel and is very different to the Oziopia. But! The service is vastly different. We had a shared hallway bathroom, versus our own bathroom. And we had to order our food the night before, rather than have it made in the morning. Nothing much different. The water problem is pretty much the same – toilets don’t always flush, and sometimes there is hot water, but no cold, or vise versa. Each place has its flaws. We are enjoying spending a few days in the centre of town. Next time, I would do the same thing: a few days in town, and a few days in the suburbs.


We dropped our bags and immediately walked out the door to the Markush restaurant. It is a nice art gallery with a classy restaurant. There were a number of white people there, where usually we have seen mostly black. The pizza is different to Canadian – I prefer Canadian. The boys and I ordered pizza, but Ray decided to order lasagna cause he was very hungry. We had a laugh when his food arrived. The serving was so HUGE!! LOL!



Ray ended up eating all of my leftovers and some of the boys! We ordered icec ream for the girls and you should have seen the faces from Gadisae!





At one moment Gadisae put her hands together (like I do to show sleep) and said, “Daddy.” Literally, ten seconds later she was sound asleep!!


The boys decided to order two desserts cause they knew they couldn’t take their birr home with them.



"Oinkers"


At one point Mesai said to Dane, “Dane sing a song.” And Colt and Dane began singing, “Hit the road Jack, and don’t you come back no more, no more, no more! Hit the road Jack.” She said this because I had taught her what these words mean because she and Gadisae do a beautiful job of singing many songs and I wanted to teach her a prompt to show her when I wanted her to sing.


It was fun to actually feel like tourists when we went out! On the return walk to our hotel this little boy of about 12 came running up to us. He walked with us for a while. He told us his name was Solomon. I said, “Solomon, the wise man.” The boy spoke good English and he liked it when I told him (he probably already knew) that he was named for a wiseman.


Tomorrow we do some major shopping!

MEETING THE GIRLS' BIRTHMUM

We knew that today was to be the day that we had our official birth mother meeting. Meg and I had been downtown all morning buying furniture and supplies, and the guys had been doing the same with furniture and landscaping materials. We got home and had about 30 minutes to clean up, before she arrived for her meeting.

I asked if it was possible for us to give her something to eat. Meg told me that they would do a coffee ceremony for her. This is something that shows a person that they are welcome. I had Dane take the video camera, and I asked him to be so careful getting the most important emotions and moments on camera. It was a big responsibility, but I

didn’t want just answers on paper, I wanted to be able hear her speak and res

pond.


I didn’t tell the girls she was coming, until I was certain she would not back out. When we heard the truck arrive, I had Ray pick up the girls and quickly bring them in the house. I then sat them down and had young S explain to them that their Enat was coming to visit them. I had no idea what I was doing. But, I had been told by Solomon, S, and other Ethiopian people that ‘this will be good’. I have since learned that the Ethiopian culture and the white culture are so vastly different – simply because of what these children grow up through and with. You cannot compare an Ethiopian child’s way of handling loss a

nd grief with a North American child!! There is simply no comparison.


There was no upset, no reaction at all. Simply a

n understanding and an acceptance. Ethiopian children are mature beyond their years.


When she walked in the room, she sat down but the girls didn’t rush to her. I put two chairs on either side of her, for the girls to sit on, and gently took them to her and said, “Enat.” A moment later they went to her and gave her hugs. But I could see that the transition was already taking place. It was just like other adoptive parents of Ethiopian children have said – the child just naturally went between two groups of parents. They were happy with her, but yet engaging themselves with us.


I have 1.5 hours of video of this meeting. What I can tell you are a few things, and it might help other adoptive parents of older children. We were told that our children have been prepared for a long time to go to Canada – therefore, they were ready and wanting to go. They will not make a choice to go back to their mother.


Well, this is true. There was a moment in our meeting when both the birth mum and S were laughing. They laughed because both girls said the same answers. After each situation, it was translated to me, so this is what I learned: When asked by their mother if they wanted to stay in Ethiopia or go to Canada, they replied that they wanted to go to Canada. When asked their reason Mesai said she wanted to go to Canada so that she could get a good education, and then she could become a doctor and then she could come back and help the sick people.


She was then asked who she would come to see when she came back, when she was older. She replied, her grandmother, as she had lived with her. She then said, “I want to come back and see Fikru.” To which birthmum and S both laughed. Fikru is Corrie’s boy and of course, we will be seeing him. So her little heart will be very happy to know that she is not leaving him behind. Of course, she then said her Enat.


What is amazing is how these children have such a deep understanding of poverty, illness, and death. This was not the first time that Mesai has said she wants to be a doctor, and each time it has been said that she wants to help her people.


The wonderful thing about our meeting, as grief stricken as their mother was, was the stories behind the birthparents’ marriage. When their mother told the stories of their father and herself, they were love stories. The tragedy in the girls’ lives is that their father died and life became devastatingly hard for the children and the mum. Far beyond anything, you or I could imagine. I thought I knew what poverty was. I do not know it, but I now have a better understanding.


I am so thrilled that we have beautiful stories: how they met, how they got married, the unusual marriage they had, the love they shared, how the birth father was a hard and dedicated worker, good husband and father, and had a special spot of Mesai, because Gadisae was a wee baby when he died, and how he would come home from work to play with her.


We have wonderful stories to share with the girls. I am so glad I wrote out so many questions to ask. We learned that we have similarities: her father was tall and slim, like Ray. When she said, tall and slim, I immediately said, “Like Ray.” And the interpreter said, That is just what she said.


We both had deliveries of our babies in 1 – 1.5 hours. It was neat to make some connections.


What was truly surprising, seeing how deep her grief was, and how little she could share with me about simple questions, was how she would go into full detail when explaining about how she wanted to know all about Canada, and its culture, what the girls learn to do in Canada. She has no hope, but to know where her girls’ are going and what their new life will be like, is like a piece of hope for her.


What opened my eyes were the questions I asked. Our interpreter was amazing. When I would tell him that a question was silly, he would say, not to worry. I would then go ahead with the question and I would feel frivolous and silly from some of her answers.


For instance, what is your favourite colour.


What I learned: do you really think someone is thinking of favourite colours when to have an item of clothing is a luxury? How petty and foolish!!


Or: What is your favourite memory?


I am thinking she will tell me a funny story of Gadisae or Mesai doing something cute, but instead she tells me her happiest memories are when they got food to eat…..


We had some wonderful moments during our meeting. When the food came out Gadisae sat with her mother and tried to get some injera for herself. Ray tried to dissuade Gadisae. I said to let her. This was wonderful to have them interact. There was plenty of food. It was beautiful because the birth mum helped Gadisae to eat and it was natural and right.


But then a little later, when I was sitting on the chair slightly across from her, Gadisae came up to me and put her arm around my neck and looked into my face. I leaned down and kissed her; she immediately kissed my cheek. As I looked up, I saw the birth mum watching, and I could see her smiling. I knew, as a mother, as much as my heart might be breaking, that I would want to know that my child loved and was loved by their new parents.


Other times, when Dane was videotaping the interview, Gadisae stood beside her mother and made silly faces at the camera. It was priceless and caused the tension to loosen a little.


We were very blessed when our birthmum took our girls’ hands and one by one, me and then Ray, she put their hands in our hands and gave them to us. She told us that though she gave them to us on earth, and she was thankful that they would now live, that one day in heaven we would all be together and she would again be their mother. We all cried at this. It is true. Our girls have two mums now.


I asked her if she would like to talk to her girls and give them a message for when they were older. Many, many of her answers were empty answers because she had no memories to share, no good times, and no frivolous thoughts, but when I asked her this question she was quick to agree. I placed the girls in front of her and she began to earnestly talk to them.. They listened intently and answered her questions and they talked for about ten minutes.


She asked them who their mummy and daddy were and the girls pointed to us. She told them to go to Canada and get a good education, and to be active (not lazy) and to listen to us and to do as they were told, and to be respectful. She told them that they could come back someday and see her. The girls showed their concern for their mother in going to Canada, so that they could grow up and come back and help her.


When they were done talking, S said he was astounded. He did not know that the girls would open up and talk so ‘frankly’, as he put it. And he did not think the birthmum would begin to share so openly with her girls.


After we had done all of our questions, and she had had a nice meal, we brought out our bag of gifts. Each gift was quietly and graciously received, but when she came to the book of Canada, she became animated. It was a children’s book that showed the alphabet of Canadian items: Terry Fox – either T or F – I can’t remember. She was quick to point out that though he had a crippled leg, he still did the run to help others. It was neat to interact and see her smile when certain things drew her. I was able to show her the hand cream and rub it into her hand and show her. The zipper at the end was neat. None of us knew the zipper was invented in Canada, and it made her laugh. It was nice! When she left I offered to keep the bag for her at the orphanage to keep it safe, until she could find a place to stay. She said she would keep it with her. It is important – there are pictures of her girls and little goodies for her.


I am so thankful that we were able to have this meeting. What she doesn’t know yet, is that I have been able to find a job for her. It is a good job, with good people, where she will also get lunch, and coffee and tea, five days a week, while she works. She will be able to earn money, and she will then gain back her self respect and hope, because she will then be able to find herself a little place to live and be able to cook her other meals. This place also has another mother who has given her child for adoption to Canada, and this other mother is at peace about it, because she knows that her child will have a good life. So it is my hope that she will be able to help our birthmum, through her grief.


We are also going to have a friend take her shopping and buy her a new set of clothes and shoes, so she can feel good and pretty again.. Every woman deserves to feel good.


When she got up to leave, Gadisae simply put out her hand (in the Ethiopian custom) and said, “Goodbye Sintayehu.” (As that is her name) She then shook hands with both her girls and we took her to the gate. Ray and I hugged her and told her she was family. It was very emotional for Ray and me. Mostly, because the girls were so clearly our girls now – we could see this by their lack of emotion about losing their Enat. What gives me comfort is knowing that we will be sending photos and letting the girls write to her. She said she wanted to know about Canada but mainly from what the girls wrote in their letters – not just stated facts.


I think when she left that she had a little more hope in her life. She had seen with her own eyes that her girls were settling and happy, and yet, she knew that they loved her and wanted the best for her. And Mesai knows, through the translator telling her, that her mummy and daddy have helped her Enat, and that I believe, will give Mesai the permission to attach to us and be happy herself.